i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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