Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
