big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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