Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
