after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She tied me up with her honor cords...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
