goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The air taste purple.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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