C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is classic penis vs brain.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
