I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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