I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
