Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
