she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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