I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
