so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
