This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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