I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
