Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
