He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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