do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
