Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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