Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
