that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
