I just saw a hot homeless man
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just pee around me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
