If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
