the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
