Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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