My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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