there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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