So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
