I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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