Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
