Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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