If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
