Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
