I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My breasts were aching with rage.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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