Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
