dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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