After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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