I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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