it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
