A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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