My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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