pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
