I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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