hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
