He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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