I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
