I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
