Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
