I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
