And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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