i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
