I smell stomach acid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
