get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
