3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
