please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
