Please, let me fuck your mom
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
