the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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