When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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