Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
